tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79772087022802878402024-03-05T20:38:18.700-08:00The Pilgrim Spirit"The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit." John 3:8 [NRSV]peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-4165577281191100732021-10-15T16:32:00.003-07:002021-10-15T16:36:03.809-07:00I'm back...<p>Well, I've wanted to get back to this blog for a long time, but it has not been easy. The blog is associated with a very old, defunct email address. While trying to update that, I somehow got caught in a loop of various Google identities, to the point that I no longer know who I am (at least in Google universe.) Talk about a spiritual quandary! The big life questions of "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?" take on a whole new and much more complicated meaning in the tech universe. For now, I'm simply glad I was able to get to a place where I am able to write in Pilgrim Spirit once again. Here's hoping for more...</p>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-55268061247153045282014-03-02T18:07:00.000-08:002014-03-02T18:10:31.305-08:00Breakfast<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>I think I shared breakfast with Jesus this morning.<o:p></o:p></b></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<b>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had been to Willa's favorite "soda" – a tiny
diner on the beach in this gritty tourist town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I chose a big Sunday breakfast – pork chop, "gallo pinto"
(rice and beans), tortilla.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spoke
with the owner as we sipped our cafes con leche, asking about his mother, an octogenarian
who would still be running the place if life were up to her.<sub><o:p></o:p></sub></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The breakfasts were huge, and the remains of mine were soon
resting in the requisite styrofoam container.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Next stop was Mass; I really hadn't counted on walking in with food to
go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I also was fixated on how good
that chop would taste later in the day.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Between the diner and the church there is a lovely fountain
surrounded by small palms and other tropical plants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It looks like my image of the biblical wells
where women came to fill jars with water and share news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It also has one of the few drinking fountains
in town.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized how thirsty I was,
and drank deeply.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #12349b; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8z1OJu0llhfjlE0_Dd9StRctu201xnA3YHC-aAN11umneQn81Ze58tiF7G2ubqAec5UKwXZiTE8TEh9PjUd04D_kRsbsiosdUGmrsjoz82xU9CHRX8vi98mGcxbFgn9OcIs5OFJmFAFG/s1600/drinking_fountain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgK8z1OJu0llhfjlE0_Dd9StRctu201xnA3YHC-aAN11umneQn81Ze58tiF7G2ubqAec5UKwXZiTE8TEh9PjUd04D_kRsbsiosdUGmrsjoz82xU9CHRX8vi98mGcxbFgn9OcIs5OFJmFAFG/s1600/drinking_fountain.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I stepped back to give Willa her turn, I noticed movement
in the shadows of the plants behind the fountain. All I could see were eyes, and a smile, like
the Cheshire Cat. The form took shape
and words emerged from the deep foliage; despite my surprise I greeted the man
behind the smile. Then he said,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Can you give me something to eat?"<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was no hiding the styrofoam container; it shone bright
white with heat and presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked
at Willa, gulped, and walked the around the well to hand it over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The young man stepped out of the vegetation,
looking like many of the young men who get washed up on the shore of life every
morning here.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He thanked me, and apologized – I'm not sure for what:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For being poor and hungry?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For taking my leftovers?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For being in a position of having to beg for
food?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we walked on toward church, my primary
feeling was shame.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I had been
afraid of him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That I had to think about
it - I didn't want to let go of my leftovers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That they were not even my first-overs, but the scraps from my table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that I did not have a fork to offer him a
shred of dignity when he ate them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #12349b; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9DCdxWuT_i30fzeqt2Au4KhrHl2Y7k1fZ5-LssSgZQ5ZblYjlRQKncTkdcA_t4sO1lFlNoBQgK91a5XRY3LB2Mky6NBto4eXYpIn98F9BtQ8tyGEOSzcdCUNLsSw2OQykXKdiPWRwR7Do/s1600/gall0_pinto_02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9DCdxWuT_i30fzeqt2Au4KhrHl2Y7k1fZ5-LssSgZQ5ZblYjlRQKncTkdcA_t4sO1lFlNoBQgK91a5XRY3LB2Mky6NBto4eXYpIn98F9BtQ8tyGEOSzcdCUNLsSw2OQykXKdiPWRwR7Do/s1600/gall0_pinto_02.jpeg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #12349b;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I thought that was my spiritual shake-up moment for the day,
but God is never done with me that easily.
We arrived at church during the readings, and I heard
from 1Cor 4:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Brothers and sisters:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus should one regard us: as
servants of Christ<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and stewards of the mysteries
of God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
...<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
for he will bring to light
what is hidden in darkness<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
and will manifest the motives
of our hearts..."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"Steward of the mysteries
of God" – I felt like that, handing over my food, as the man hidden in
darkness walked out to lay my motives and heart in the bright sunlight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The readings continued on to Matthew 6:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14pt;">
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what
you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is not life more than food, and the body more
than clothing? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14pt;">
Look at the birds of the
air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly
Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And can any of you by worrying add a single
hour to your span of life? . . .<sup> <o:p></o:p></sup></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14pt;">
Therefore do not worry,
saying, “What will we eat?” or “What will we drink?” or “What will we wear?
. . .<sup><o:p></o:p></sup></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 14pt;">
...your heavenly Father
knows that you need all these things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
strive first for the kingdom of God and his
righteousness, and all these things will be given
to you as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
. . . So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring
worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today."<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been worrying about a lot of tomorrows in the past
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet I find myself in a lovely
place with extra food in my hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meet
Jesus coming out of the palm fronds, asking me (Jesus asking <u>me</u>!) for
food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually I am the one asking,
begging, from God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
priest used the readings to underscore the community's need to care for one
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This town, like most in our
world now, has a few people walking down the street with money to burn in their
pockets, many others working hard to keep their heads above water, and countless
others who are close to losing the struggle with the waves that crash
over them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
world is so out of balance, and tipping more than ever the last few weeks. I have no illusion that my small act can
begin to rebalance the world. But it was
what I could do today. I hope I eased
his hunger for a bit – God knows he fed me.
Yet still, I am thirsty.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #030000;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></b><br />
<!--EndFragment-->peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-67045622860293018642013-11-02T18:06:00.000-07:002013-11-02T19:06:06.323-07:00On the death of my band teacher<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was in the middle of trumpet practice when I got the
news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After playing a string of high
notes I never could have hit in high school, I glanced through my email and saw
words I had long expected and dreaded:<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Mr. Roina died.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I envy those of you who can call him "Ed."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More than four decades later, this teachers'
kid still cannot use that level of familiarity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Perhaps Paula, another teacher's kid, will understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But her dad inspired that mixture of both
familiarity and respect.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the avalanche
of comments on Facebook, I've seen everything from "he turned my life
around" to people who got to interact with him on a frequent and familiar
level.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p> </o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3fae9y-bOuG8r4m-LYj4nFR_uTLH_iT1fB2GRc0GPIc_Wez-sQA0G_oGopFYGdLK6x_Y_d1gEw6LfMIPJv86gLbKE3htcswQE9ukSKZ2fonEvGLovsERnliFx6dB1HHUQnoPN5oB13PFB/s1600/roina_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3fae9y-bOuG8r4m-LYj4nFR_uTLH_iT1fB2GRc0GPIc_Wez-sQA0G_oGopFYGdLK6x_Y_d1gEw6LfMIPJv86gLbKE3htcswQE9ukSKZ2fonEvGLovsERnliFx6dB1HHUQnoPN5oB13PFB/s1600/roina_01.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Ted Kennedy famously eulogized, "My brother need not be
idealized, or enlarged in death beyond what he was in life."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have tried not to let my memories run away
with the real Ed Roina, yet it is hard not to idealize a man, a teacher, who
touched so many lives, and who lived a life we might not believe if it were
written as fiction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To understand what I
mean, read the excellent piece "And His Band Played On" by Jannette
Jauregui, published in the Santa Paula Times 12/03/03.</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Some teachers put up with us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some liked us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some loathed us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think that Ed Roina truly loved us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know he was harder on some than on others,
and that some of us drove him crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
my experience was that he was fair and respectful to all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with family and church, band was where
I learned the things that formed the core of who I am, my best self.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned to work as a group, and especially
in marching band I saw how individuals working together can create a whole that
is efficient and beautiful.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Besides music, I learned discipline, responsibility, and
adaptation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember Mr. Roina's story
about playing tuba to qualify for a position (perhaps the Navy band?) and
seeing a low note approaching that he knew his instrument could not hit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the note arrived, he sang it (I can hear
his rich basso voice) and moved on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
got the position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Years later as a very
young marching band student, I was lining up for the parade route when he
noticed my red socks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had proudly
chosen them, thinking they coordinated well with the uniform.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned about regulation uniforms when,
after an exasperated sigh, he traded his darker socks for mine – explaining
that the judges might deduct less points than if they saw them on me.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I look back at band as the great melting pot of grade
school, junior high, and high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
was the class that saved my life and sanity all through school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During years when I felt out of place
everywhere, I "belonged" in band. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All of us:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>"soshes", jocks, brains, nerds, the quiet, the unseen, the
unclean, all the castes of our adolescent society – we became one and we all
"belonged" in band.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was never the strongest or most talented player, and I
should have practiced way more than I did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I know that I looked forward to band every day, and the time passed
way too quickly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started out at 11
years old on trombone; after an initial mild double-take ("You want to
play <u>trombone</u>?") he became my musical mentor for life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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There are always things we wish someone had done, or not
done – I wish he had encouraged me to continue music in college; and I wish he
had not praised Sandra King's talent in a twist when I initially thought he was
talking about mine (Sandy, do you know how much he admired your playing?)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I waited three years with the hope of being
first trombone my senior year, and was disappointed to not be chosen. I learned
to overcome disappointment, to always keep playing, and that every player is
integral to the group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He recognized
that plodding determination when, much to my surprise, he called my name as the
Eva Walden music award recipient.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I
thought he was talking about Sandy in his lead up to the award.</div>
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The gifts he gave me will never end. He started a jazz band
when I was in high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never heard
this music in my home and I never quite "got" it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he kept letting me play.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thirty years later I was playing trumpet in a
jazz band that performed in local venues, and I was "getting" it and
loving it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I continue to play in the
local community band.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I've just agreed to play in a Veterans' Day parade, and that
reminded me of a Veterans' Day at the Santa Paula cemetery, playing "My
Buddy" and seeing grown men weep as they listened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was learning the power of music, but I had
no idea what that song meant to Mr. Roina until reading Jannette's
article.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was the kind of man and
teacher whose death inspires tears from former students 51 years after their
first lesson.<o:p></o:p></div>
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As I read the obituary and the many comments from former
students, I remembered he was also an art teacher, but I was stunned by the
depth and breadth of his talent, of his life before Santa Paula.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was also mention of the church we both
attended.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recalled how I dreaded Lent
– first because it was Lent, but especially because Mr. Roina would give up his
pipe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, those were dark days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't know if all the broken batons happened
during Lent, but I remember we could all breathe easier after those 40 days of
edginess.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span>
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">He did change my life. He taught me to play and to appreciate music, one of the passions of my life. </span>He provided a safe, challenging, exciting place to be every day. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ-XWAVZ-9ZR0BI-eZxHBwDXmz8HL-wEuQEBalc4pxEZN6yq8nfeNaPJSH1MdHBo-MD69oFmXHEvSBqwBqZLiSHiG1FUrOzMy2idmuZpcB2Mvr0bgvqMVLjRLrss3oDetZzqvUml4H5z0I/s1600/band_letter_cropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQ-XWAVZ-9ZR0BI-eZxHBwDXmz8HL-wEuQEBalc4pxEZN6yq8nfeNaPJSH1MdHBo-MD69oFmXHEvSBqwBqZLiSHiG1FUrOzMy2idmuZpcB2Mvr0bgvqMVLjRLrss3oDetZzqvUml4H5z0I/s200/band_letter_cropped.jpg" width="153" /></a></div>
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<br />
He
allowed this painfully shy person to interact with classmates I otherwise would
never have known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'm astounded to think
I got up in front of all my peer musicians and earned my SP letter for
conducting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only through his teaching,
guidance, and support were so many things possible for me then, and now. <br />
<br />
When my brother Joe died in 2001, I was back in Santa Paula
at my mother's home, waiting for the funeral.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I knew I needed something to ease the grief and the waiting, and I went
up the hill to the high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There,
in a band room new to me, Ed and Barbara Roina greeted me warmly and offered
condolences.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then Mr. Roina rummaged
around in the back, found an ancient trumpet, and invited me to sit in for
practice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bewildered trumpet players
couldn't know what that meant to me, but Mr. Roina certainly knew the power of
music in the face of grief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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So when I heard of his death, I turned to music, and
listened through the <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: JA; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast;">Fauré </span>Requiem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Surely Mr. Roina was familiar with those soaring melodies, particularly
the movement "In Paradisum", with its text from the Catholic Order of
Burial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those are the words of farewell
I pray for him now:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
</div>
</div>
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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"May the angels
lead you into paradise . . .</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
may the chorus of angels receive you . . .</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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may you
have eternal rest."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
Thanks, Ed, and Godspeed. <o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>This article was originally published in the Santa Paula Times, October 25, 2013</i></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<!--EndFragment-->peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-69252032092687650632013-09-22T08:02:00.000-07:002013-09-22T08:02:28.295-07:00Listen
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">It's been a long
time since I have prayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Oh, there's
the communal prayer on Sundays, which is important, and the meal prayers
through the day with my Sweetie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
are the brief fits of prayer – the Anne Lamott-type prayers of "Help me
Help me Help me!" and "Thank you thank you thank you!". <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I have strayed once again from the regular
prayers that I wish could be like breathing – done always and every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when I do include them in my daily routine,
they ARE like breathing: refreshing, sustaining, life-giving. When I let them
go, I wander, I flounder, I sink.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">So I sat this
morning, for the first time in too long a time, to read something, anything,
that would pique my spirit; and to be still, and to spiritually breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The closest reading at hand was
"Listen" – a publication of Spiritual Directors International.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The front page is always a short
meditation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"Good, this won't take
long," my inner impatient self unconsciously assured me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was anxious to get on to other things that
provide parts of my life, but which my heart knows are not as life giving as the
breath of prayer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I read Pegge
Erkeneff's words in "Listen", trying honestly to listen, and came to
the full stop of her suggested reflection:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>"Pause and be still.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Listen
to your heart beat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What sensations,
emotions, feelings, or thoughts are you present to, within your own body and
skin, here and now?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems so
simple, yet there is a world of possibility here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Pause and be still."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I felt the
discomfort of the chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved my
hands and arms around, trying to assume a posture of peace, and quiet, and
stillness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was distracted by objects
on the table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My spiritual kindergartner
was hard at work, trying to make stillness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I tried breathing exercises, and moved into trumpet breathing exercises,
which brought up all the music I've practiced lately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it did finally calm me down enough to
move to the next step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Interesting how
stillness can lead to movement, and vice versa...<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"Listen to your heart beat."</span></i><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">I tried.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to hear or feel it, just sitting in
the stillness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could imagine I heard
it, because I know my body, I know my heart, and I can replicate it's beat
after all these years of listening to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But today, nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put my hand
on my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put my left hand on my right one, to help
in the search.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not much – perhaps an
imagined thread, a feeble cry from somewhere deep inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried for a pulse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faint, and sleepy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">Granted, I had just
gotten out of bed in the wee hours of the morning, but this felt like something
beyond sleepy heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a heart
trying to get me to wake up, and it was glad I was finally paying
attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was a heart begging me
to attend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>To sit still and listen and hear the beat.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">"What sensations, emotions, feelings, or
thoughts are you present to, within your own body and skin, here and now?"<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">First I felt sad for
my own heart, trying to get my attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But crashing all around me and unshakable is the global bad news.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been to cnn.com too often, and read too
many stories of mall shootings, school shootings, army base, navy yard, homes,
churches, mosques, synagogues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew
this sadness was beyond my own individual heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was the world's heart trying to get my
attention.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there must be feelings
beyond sad and scared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Otherwise we will
all curl up in a fetal ball and whimper, of no use to ourselves, others, the
earth, or God.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">What can one heart
do?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
Maryknoll Sister Ita Ford wrote to her niece <i>"I hope you come to find
that which gives life a deep meaning for you...something worth living for,
maybe even worth dying for...something that energizes you, enthuses you,
enables you to keep moving ahead."</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
For most of us, that will not be as dramatic as it was for
Ita Ford and the other church women killed in El Salvador many years ago
now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it can be a guide for all of us
– the search for that which gives life, even (especially) in the midst of so
much death and sadness and lack of cooperative spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I <u>do</u> find things that energize and enthuse
me, and I am doing them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now how do I
transform them to be life-giving for those around me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's my question for myself today.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
And I rise from my sitting to see the sun rising quite
brilliantly, glancing off the clouds and transforming them to gold.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will go out into my ordinary day, which, as
always, has the potential to be quite extraordinary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It's all in the heartbeat.<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-22905214253339223152011-10-08T17:43:00.000-07:002011-10-08T17:44:12.153-07:00Eat Like a Thresher<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;">"The one who prepares the meals holds the memories." </span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This line sprang from my spouse Willa as I read an obituary aloud. Bobbie Widmer, wife of retired Iowa priest Marlin, was described in many ways, but her essence was captured for me in these lines: <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>"Bobbie had a love for rootbeer floats, strawberry shortcake, and cooking for family gatherings. Food was a sacramental, an outward and visible sign of deeper meaning."</i></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">"The one who prepares the meals holds the memories." <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My little congregation of St. Luke's is all about hospitality, and food is the integral part of that hospitality. "Feed my sheep," Jesus told Peter, and my congregation takes it seriously and literally. But we also eat our fill spiritually when we come together.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">At a recent "open mike" session at Uptown Bill's in Iowa City, one woman described the groaning table of a harvest meal. She recalled with delicious specificity each dish from 60 years ago, and the one who prepared it. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">While I have my few specialty dishes, Willa is the one who knows the importance of the ritual of preparation and serving; how to get everything together and served at just the right moment. It is a talent and a gift, but also a practice - a spiritual practice, even. It's what makes her such a great preparer of holiday meals. It's part of what makes her such a great priest. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">You've seen it in the Norman Rockwell painting - the meal that took the woman (the head of the house church) all day, or multiple days, to prepare. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">In my 33 years in Iowa, I have learned about people through the dishes they brought to potlucks, funeral dinners, fish fries, and Sunday dinners. Each is as famous for her or his dish as they are for their personality. Some are consistent and balanced. Some are jiggly and colorful like Jell-o (which I soon learned is a salad in Iowa.) Some add a touch of spicy adventure, while others are unpredictable. Savory, sweet, salty, tangy - we all come together at least once a week and share our flavorful selves.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Once I sat across from a farmer friend at a church dinner. I can see him as if today, head bent over the plate. He had "tucked into his food," our British bishop would say, the fork rising and falling steadily between plate and mouth. He did not look up until the plate was empty. It was a habit honed over a lifetime, and it did not leave him on days of "rest." He and his peers had probably set up the long heavy tables after completing their chores at home. He ate quickly and efficiently, to fill the human machine and send it back out to work. I have rarely seen anyone so completely consumed by the task at hand, so entirely focused.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">My father would say that he was "eating like a thresher." Maybe your family used that expression, or maybe "eating like a harvester", or maybe "eating like a field hand". This being Iowa, I think most understand what I mean, if we have not gotten too far away from our history. If you need a refresher course, go to Mt. Pleasant for the yearly Old Threshers Reunion and eat at one of the church tents, or go to Living History Farms in Des Moines to witness life when it was so much simpler but so much harder.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Actually, that's what church is like - a living history farm. We may not dress the same as 2,000 years ago, (or as during the past 170-plus years when our Iowa churches were being planted), but we come together for the same reasons.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We gather with our neighbors in community, to praise and thank God, to feed and be fed, to meet the spiritual and physical need of ourselves and our community, to send our prayers and means out into the larger community and the world.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">He ate like a thresher, that young farmer. It is that habit and focus that bring us week after week to the rail, the board where we offer the food that is us, where we are fed. We come to God's table, fatigued and hungry from our labors, carrying all the meals and memories of the past. We say grace, and grace covers us as we eat our fill.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I walk to the rail, and raise my hands, open and earnest as the beak of a little bird, hungry as a harvester needing to return to work. "Feed me! Feed me! Please. Amen."<o:p></o:p></span></div>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-21865591908156420212011-04-04T08:39:00.000-07:002011-05-11T10:53:45.567-07:00"Well done, good and faithful..."<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkoDz19SZbC5ryoyuyCEWJRg7piqfsPcyVLYKyu8xBUhQwv13SzdJD3c8uyK3Ogc7fUMGkZwXNGd7jk4-Q9kKYG660mkKI_UpyMTH_l2ycI1oIctsN8bH_i63UHnmO0mTmuEvE4uQmEzAZ/s1600/Mazie_002.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-8ND1g2PREHjUpbo2VcQ56v2evIql_6bqQ4yszpXph7dcGp16BW6AFIJnDSs1PErxvwy7irs06FWdsZBZ9BEAnB8zMYbnepWBgfARm0EQ_peD9_KrxfZyzwHom_VNVjgPS1iULbgTZ-8g/s1600/Mazie_002.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsbX6RZEYkIw7t5X8dhVSKoblwO_SEN-WKOlbHpVRgPGOCHFjlFxvONugmHQ-L9O0aiJ513JIEutrXtegkPBK6vFumKSmW_wRCYiOscY-3R-WVZvTUFnLa9AqikBO_bFV41RfIdIzqAUeo/s1600/Mazie_001.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" height="320" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591757728539066018" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsbX6RZEYkIw7t5X8dhVSKoblwO_SEN-WKOlbHpVRgPGOCHFjlFxvONugmHQ-L9O0aiJ513JIEutrXtegkPBK6vFumKSmW_wRCYiOscY-3R-WVZvTUFnLa9AqikBO_bFV41RfIdIzqAUeo/s320/Mazie_001.jpg" style="float: left; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px;" width="236" /></a><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It is a Lenten morning, foggy and dank.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">It is the kind of morning she would love to be out in - when the snow melts and uncovers all those smells and memories from a former season.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Our dog is dying.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She looks out the window, strangely-tilted head bobbing.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The fog floats over the park, across the ball field, across the places where squirrels tease and possums run.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A few geese are returning to the pond, reminding me of Joyce Rupp's poem in </span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Praying our Goodbyes</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We got this strange-looking three-legged dog at the local shelter.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"We have to take her - no one else will want her."</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The plaintive cry of the 11-year-old soon turned into, "We have to take her </span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">now</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> - </span></span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">everyone</span></span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> else wants her!"<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We pitied her, assuming she would be clumsy and slow and needy. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But taking her to a friend's fenced yard to enjoy some off-leash time, we discovered our error</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She could run like the wind, criss-crossing the grass in a wild dash that inspired her naming.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">"She's so graceful!"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> "</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That's amazing!"</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Incredulous, we repeated those phrases as we watched, and her formal "Amazing Grace" (awkward to call out in the street while walking her) became, simply, "Mazie."</span></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Her softest-fur-in-the-world caught a thousand tears from scores of griefs.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The dying and deaths of parents and sibling and friends.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Lost loves.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Illness.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Change.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Bitterness, regrets.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">All.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">All.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">But also unbounding joy.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Leaping with pleasure, Snoopy-like in a rapturous dancing twirling of delight.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Glee at outrunning us, the last thing we see as she escapes; tongue flapping, eyes maniacally telling us - "you've been had..."</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">All.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">All.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Mazie was a mystic, able to read us like an open book.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She would stand in the middle of the kitchen when there was tension or sadness in our household, and look from one face to the other, communicating understanding, and empathy, and grace, begging us to be our best selves.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She measured the spirit of everyone crossing our threshold, and was seldom off the mark.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She was with us for almost our entire marriage, with Jacob through his teen years.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In her youth she was strong enough to pull him on his skateboard - until the local police officer put a halt to their neighborhood joyrides.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She would not eat until we sat down and started our meal. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willa remembers a time I was away and Jacob had moved on to college.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willa sat to eat; Mazie stood by her bowl, waiting.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willa finally realized what was holding up the meal...</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">only after she said grace out loud did Mazie begin to eat.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Mazie was the pastoral care minister of our neighborhood.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willa took her to visit flood victims and workers - she always sought out the ones most in need, people we hadn't noticed.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Exceedingly patient with tiny children in the park, she allowed them to face their fear and awkwardly pet her.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Then, by visible example, she showed them that you don't need all your parts to be whole.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I wrote the opening words of this article a year ago, when we thought Mazie would die within days.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She fooled us again, and lived another year, almost to the day of her stroke last March.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">In that year she taught us much about life, aging, disability, and dying.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Many people assured us that in heaven, Mazie would get her missing leg back.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Willa insisted Mazie wouldn't need that leg in heaven any more than she did here, and recalled our late friend Nancy, who " was born with a foreshortened arm. It ended at the elbow with a stump of a hand. She always bristled when some religious person reassured her she would be whole in heaven. She said she already was whole. And she was."</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">So I quit wishing a new leg for Mazie, and wished instead for her a leg of lamb...</span></span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="" border="0" height="320" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5591758296570478802" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkoDz19SZbC5ryoyuyCEWJRg7piqfsPcyVLYKyu8xBUhQwv13SzdJD3c8uyK3Ogc7fUMGkZwXNGd7jk4-Q9kKYG660mkKI_UpyMTH_l2ycI1oIctsN8bH_i63UHnmO0mTmuEvE4uQmEzAZ/s320/Mazie_002.jpg" style="margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px;" width="150" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Now she is gone, and we have felt bereft and disconsolate, crying in this huge Lent-like void.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We find ourselves bewildered by the sudden change in our 14-year routine.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Death and grief do that - strand us in the wilderness for a while.</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That's where we are - in the "be-wilderness" of loss.</span></span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Mazie belonged to so many more people than the three of us.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She was not a servant, nor a pet, but a spiritual companion who pointed the way for us.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">On an achingly beautiful day in March, we said goodbye for now.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Only remnants were left of the snow she loved to bound through, biting at it and burrowing her snoot to search for God knows what.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She was stuck at the end, stepped into a thin place but unable to cross through and out of it - circling, circling, always clockwise, searching for God knows what.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">She took me back to the deaths of my parents, the times they lay in the thin place and waited, as we kept watch.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We keep watch during Lent, hoping, hoping, every year, that it will turn out all right, that Easter will follow.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">t always does, thank God.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">We believe in the resurrection, </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">but does that include dogs?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> <o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">That, indeed, will be heaven.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">______________________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">T</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">his article was first published in </span></span></span></i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.iowaepiscopal.org/uploads/pdf/IAPaper2011-04.pdf">Iowa Connections April 2011</a></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">t</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">he newspaper of the <a href="http://www.iowaepiscopal.org/">Episcopal Diocese of Iowa </a></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-style: normal;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></span></span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Helen Keefe is a research assistant at University of Iowa Hospitals and a member of Spiritual Directors International.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Senior warden at St. Luke's Church, Ft. Madison, she and her wife the Rev. Willa Goodfellow live in Coralville, IA with the memory of their mystic wonder dog, Mazie.</span></span></i></div>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-24211086260532042332011-04-01T11:12:00.000-07:002011-04-21T15:24:20.212-07:00Good Morning!<div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Good morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">I am looking at sunrise over the Cascades and thinking about Aunt Vi.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Streaks of pink and gold and colors impossible to pin down are changing by the second. The light outlines and gives clarity to the mountains and infuses hope into the coming day. A new dawn. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyaY0nULcoGmA5809JkcSr611gv7T1tBM7rg6ceb7LVdkVSs2Y2tC-SkYfzcl7YnMCCP-LJqmcJaa9tfZfojZYcSlnNXEiO3NQfLXAzcX2stcq3XMg8IZcAMqTNiayGe4kksJCUf1GHXh6/s1600/sisters_pinemeadow.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyaY0nULcoGmA5809JkcSr611gv7T1tBM7rg6ceb7LVdkVSs2Y2tC-SkYfzcl7YnMCCP-LJqmcJaa9tfZfojZYcSlnNXEiO3NQfLXAzcX2stcq3XMg8IZcAMqTNiayGe4kksJCUf1GHXh6/s320/sisters_pinemeadow.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">"Good morning". <o:p></o:p></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">It was Violet Hager's standard greeting. Phone call, letter, in-person conversation - - didn't matter, day or night. Birthday or Christmas card - they all began with, "Good Morning". <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">So we will miss that incongruous greeting now that we have lost Willa's Aunt Vi to the river of life and time. But I am aware of her presence and the wisdom of her greeting as we step into Advent.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Advent marks the beginning of the new year for churches of the western tradition.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Like the morning, Advent is an expectant and hopeful time. Some mornings for my prayer time, I light my little oil lamp and watch it rival the glow of dawn. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">What better way to approach Christmas during this time of waiting and hope than to greet it with an enthusiastic "Good Morning"?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">The new day lies ahead; anything can happen. We are walking toward the birth of hope. It is eternally a new day. Good morning!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Violet Hager was old enough to have met the artist Georgia O'Keffe (she came to her rescue when the young artist was too preoccupied to keep her Jeep's oil level full). And Vi was young enough to welcome this similarly unorthodox Keefe into her family. As elder stateswoman of her extended family, she could have made my entry into that family a rough ride. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Instead, I found a vibrant and energetic welcome from the woman who insisted that "Take Me out to the Ballgame" be sung at all family gatherings. I think she may even have cheated to declare us the winners of the sand sculpture contest at Rockaway Beach (although Willa, Jake, and I did have a fabulous design...)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Advent is like that. God is like that. No matter what time of day or night, there is the prospect of a new day wrapped in an enthusiastic welcome. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Start over, be new, walk forward refreshed. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Good morning!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-46212327632073002552010-09-11T16:13:00.000-07:002010-09-12T16:57:48.901-07:009/11 x 9<!--StartFragment--> <p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"> <!--StartFragment--> </span></p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I serve as chaplain to the </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><span style="text-decoration:none;text-underline:nonefont-family:Arial;">Commission on One world One Church of the Episcopal Diocese of Iowa</span><span style="font-family:Arial;">: <a href="http://www.iowaepiscopal.org/ministry_together/one_world_one_church.php">http://www.iowaepiscopal.org/ministry_together/one_world_one_church.php</a><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Generally I open our meetings with a short meditation or read from the Book of Common Prayer - nothing too spiritually-taxing for tired church folk gathered on a Saturday morning. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Encouragement. Comfort. Inspiration.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Today was different. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Today the recurring horrific communal memory floated around us, and I had to dig deep to know how to speak to the pain and fear that still surround the events of 9/11. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Here is what I said:</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;">__________________________________________________</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:Arial;">It's been rendered almost treacly by being used as the frosting of so many weddings,</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">but the scripture has so much to say to us today.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">You know the one:<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">"Yada yada yada, clanging cymbal, ho-hum; move mountains, yadayada,<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">but the greatest of these is love..."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Yeah, yeah, but when can we kiss?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Love. Only this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This and only this<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">only God<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">only neighbor<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">only love them<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>What a concept. . . let's burn their holy books - that'll show 'em!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">That a minister of a faith built on love and sacrifice would even consider this makes my brain and my heart hurt. I feel the same outrage I felt the day we buried my mother, when two people were handing out pamphlets about purgatory. In the door of the church! At my mother's funeral Mass!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I was restrained then, but at the funeral lunch, when they showed up to eat with us - plates full of tamales and rice and beans and salad - the words I threw at them were so angry that I didn't argue when they said they didn't think they were welcome there. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">"You're right", I said. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">"I was wrong," I tell myself now. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">My momma taught me better than that. Given the chance to sit down with people I disagreed with, people who had hurt me, I couldn't do it. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">"How dare you?" I continue to think about them. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">"How dare you?" I think about the Florida pastor and those who agree with him.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">But all it engenders in me is more hatred and bitterness.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">How can we wrap our arms around those who hold our food in their hands, even when our mouth is full of ashes and bitterness?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">But I am preaching to the choir, to you, my mentors in all this. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">[and the OWOC members <u>are</u> my heroes, as are many of you who read this]<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Certainly we don't forget the ones who died on this date. But at peril to our lives and souls do we cast aside those who caused the death and destruction, and the ones who continue it, no matter what "side" they are on.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">There can be no sides, no us, no them, or this will never end well.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Love. Only this. This and only this.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">God<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">neighbor<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">self.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;"> <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">love them all - </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Amen.</span></p><!--EndFragment--></span><p></p> <!--EndFragment-->peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-85060661078856149742009-04-15T12:01:00.000-07:002009-04-17T03:51:31.125-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">"The Epistle of Helena"</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal">I am the keeper of my mother's words.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Along with the wooden darning ball and the potato salad bowl, her letters, columns, diaries and trip logs are my inheritance.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">She wrote every day, more than I knew.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I knew about cards to relatives and friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I knew about letters to the editor that made us cringe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I knew about her love for postcards of jackalopes and giant ears of corn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I thought I had seen all of what she wrote.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Her letters were cheery and her writing full of flowery romantic prose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Not lovey-dovey romantic, but that optimistic bright-eyed Pollyanna-type of writing that must have made her California life seem all milk and honey to my Midwestern relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Their letters, especially those from North Dakota, were full of woe and lament, Job-like tales of illnesses, plagues, crop failures, infidelities, and way-too-early deaths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>My mother and sister and I sat once with Aunt Alice as she related the misery of neighbors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was a half hour before we realized she was talking about her soap opera characters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The lines blurred in the whistling wind that rattled dust through the windows and made me want to steal the car keys and get my self out of there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">So my mother's life was a contrast right out of the Grapes of Wrath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>South Pasadena, Santa Paula - - warm names full of sunshine and oranges.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>She wrote to Alice and others of our days at the beach, picnics, swimming, gardening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"All of it was true, some of it actually happened", my spiritual director says.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But there were other chapters I read only after her death, and some of it still waits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Seven years on, I am just starting to dip into the notebooks lined up on my book shelf.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My first inkling of her other writing were diary entries made as a young teacher in Antelope Valley, a wilderness at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I was surprised to find not an excited young professional at the beginning of a career, but a woman 24 years old and depressed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What self-imposed exile took a debutante in her red roadster out to the hinterland, away from the active social life to which she was accustomed?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>What was she seeking out in that desert?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">One early piece begins, "Imagination is a tragic thing."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She fed us huge dollops of imagination, yet here I find that she viewed it as something sinister and to be controlled. <span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Her depressive side showed up in her interior but not her exterior life for the next 70 years .<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She wrote of lost expectations, bitterness, spiritual questions and longings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I wish we could have spoken of these, she and I, perhaps to ease them, knowing they were shared by someone we loved.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Our mothers are much more complex than we can know in this life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That boxed-in role has changed in past decades, but to those of us who came from them, "Mother" is still a particular person and place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yet they were persons in their own right long before they ever got involved with us. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">My mother asked the questions we all asked as angst-ridden teens and young adults (or still do):<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"Who am I?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why am I here?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What is my purpose?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What's it all about?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This from a parent who tutored me in the cut-and-dried answers of the Baltimore Catechism.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>It's sad to think of the doubt that still haunted her in her last years.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Yet what lives is her writing that went out to the world:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>"My gardening grandmothers said that friendship is the perfume entwined in our memories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The main part of me always wants to plant many things, as I know the harvest will be beyond my wildest dreams."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She gardened, and wrote, and made friends like that - with lavish abandon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Every year I plant, hopeful that things will grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Some do, but not as wildly or prolifically as for my mother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But I am always encouraged by her example, her words, her hope.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So it is with writing, also.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">And so, she wrote to the churches of California and Iowa and North Dakota, to the house churches in Ventura, Los Angeles, Oakdale, Sacramento, Mt. Pleasant, Dove Canyon, and Santa Paula, to school children and to strangers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She wrote with news and needs and instructions and hopes for us, our families, and our futures.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Each year she planted, hopeful that something would grow.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">Each day she wrote, hopeful that it would mean something to someone.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It did.<o:p></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal">It does.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">This article was first published in Iowa Connections May 2009:<br />www.iowaepiscopal.org/news_and_events/iowa_connections.php</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p> <!--EndFragment-->peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-56236050121193403602009-01-15T12:01:00.000-08:002009-04-17T03:51:54.829-07:00<p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">"Did You Feel It?"</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That's the question when we tell people about the earthquake.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Once we establish that our little place is fine, we are fine, and no, the tremor did not physically shake this part of Costa Rica, people move on to safer, more pleasant topics.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But for the people here, it is an ache as if it happened to their own family.</span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It DID happen to their own family.</span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This hit deep at the heart of the Costa Rican people, and deep at the heart of how we think of every other person.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">That notion first shook me when I greeted Gaby, the cook at our family's hotel/restaurant.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"How are you?" I politely ask.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Fine - but there is the sadness, of course."</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Oh my goodness - what happened?"</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">She looks at me with that Emmaus question, "Are you the only one who does not know the things that have taken place in these days? The earthquake."</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Oh, no - Did you have family there?"</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"No - but it's the same."</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It's the same.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Surely as an Iowan I should remember that.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Well-meaning friends and relatives asked during the floods, "Did your house get wet? " and moved on to safer topics.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We remember how much we </span><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">do</span></u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> feel it.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Tornados, immigration raids, floods, earthquakes.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"No man is an island,"</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I learned long ago from John Donne.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Pain and loss affect the whole pueblo, village, town, country, church; the whole heart and soul of a people.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">This tiny nation with no army lives by the daily greeting "pura vida" - a saying I only come close to translating by invoking John's gospel.</span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Jesus assures us that he "...came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Pure, peaceful life alongside all other creatures.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But the earth shook and they are all buried - in their grief, their care for one another, in their attention and attending.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">They have not forgotten how to name those they love.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Instead of impersonal headlines of "23 dead in earthquake", the deceased are named, their photos shown repeatedly on TV, their information carefully noted.</span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It does not matter if they are an adult or child or baby.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">They are named, as carefully as God names us.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Where the quake hit strongest, it is difficult to reach the dead and injured.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">La Nacion, the national newspaper, profiles U.S. helicopter pilots who have set combat aside to help find and evacuate people and bring supplies.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Humanitarian efforts are hindered by the instability of the earth.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Like life, the earth can turn us upside down.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Our spiritual and emotional terrain become unstable, and we need the help of others to dig us out.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">We are in the bleak midwinter between resolutions and valentines - our focus on self moves to focus on one special other.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">But this event has wrenched my mind and spirit from individuals toward a focus on all other creatures.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is beyond blood.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is thicker than water.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It is not in the earthquake nor the tornado nor the flood, but within the silence that remains in each of us afterwards.</span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The spark of Spirit that touches the same Spirit in another as deep speaks unto deep.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Paul in Romans 8:22-23</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until now; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies."</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">What child can possibly be born from such upheaval and suffering?</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Perhaps it already walks among us.</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Suffrage from Morning prayer </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Give peace, O Lord, in all the world;</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">For only in you can we live in safety."</span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It's one thing to pray it.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">It's another thing to feel it.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" line-height: 21px; font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">This article was first published in Iowa Connections May 2009:<br />www.iowaepiscopal.org/news_and_events/iowa_connections.php</span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span></p> <span style=" "><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Helen Keefe spends a teeny part of each year in Costa Rica to read, write, pray and play.</span></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:x-small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-style: normal; font-family:Georgia;font-size:16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; ">A research assistant by day and</span></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun:yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; ">spiritual director by heart, she belongs to various diocesan commissions.</span></span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; "> </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-size:14px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic; ">She and her partner, diocesan missioner Willa Goodfellow, live in Coralville with their mystic wonder dog, Mazie.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-86748431278509367062007-03-22T05:12:00.000-07:002008-06-10T08:16:13.462-07:00Tai' ChiThis was supposed to be about satellite dishes, but that will have to wait until next time. Stay tuned.<br /><br />I’ve been thinking more about a Tai’ Chi class I take during lunch hour at work. I started because I heard it was good for dealing with stress and bad knees. I need help with both. But I have come to realize what a good exercise it is for my spirit. “Tai’ Chi” means “supreme ultimate” and it reminds me of the “Supreme Ultimate” we gather around each week.<br /><br />I had to learn how to stand. One stands on a part of the foot called “the bubbling well.” That reminded me of the little hands churning up the baptismal font a few weeks ago. Willa said the best place to baptize was moving water. Running water.<br /><br />My mother told us during camping trips to drink from living waters, not standing waters. She showed us in streams where the water was aerating and full of oxygen and life. I thought of the need to aerate my soul – to let it run over the rocks of prayer, community, and service to others. Like running water, it needs to keep moving and growing, gathering life, joining with others as it travels along.<br /><br />But back to Tai’ Chi. Another thing I learned is that my soles (soul?) must stand well-planted and balanced. Perhaps it’s no coincidence that the Spanish word for the bottom of the foot is “planta.” My feet keep me connected to the earth, to life.<br /><br />I have to remember lots for a proper Tai’ Chi stance, before exercises even begin: lean forward, keep my head up, keep my balance, draw my energy down within myself – a good road map for my faith life.<br /><br />Actually Tai’ Chi was developed by monks as a way of defending themselves without harming their attacker. They could draw the attacker past and away from them by a yielding and turning rather than by resistance and aggression. Take the energy from the action and absorb it. Use the good energy and let the bad energy flow through and dissipate. Even before I heard about the monks, I was thinking of it as a sort of “martial arts for the pacifist.”<br /><br />Tai’ Chi teaches physical balance of movement and energy, and I also need that balance in my faith life. This whole energy thing is a paradox. I get into the stance, support my weight, let my energy sink down within me, and ... feel my legs REALLY burn. The Tai’ Chi master says this is ok – that what I’m feeling is energy. I think of the road to Emmaus: “Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us?”<br /><br />The master walks around the room correcting stance or movement. He gets in close and guides with a light touch, almost imperceptible. He stands directly in my energy and adds his energy to mine. This is how God is with us. We may hardly realize it until the light touch has redirected our energy, our stance, our movements. But we know we feel better. And we know we have been changed.peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7977208702280287840.post-76116967239725036102007-03-09T09:13:00.000-08:002008-06-10T08:14:57.248-07:00Letting GoI sit far away from St. Luke's looking out the patio view from what used to be my parents' home. Now it is no more; my father died three years ago, and my mother moved to an assisted living apartment in the next town over.<br /><br />My parents loved this view. They picked out their lot because of the view. You gaze out over the Santa Clara Valley, where I was raised - out across the orchards of lemon, and orange, and avocado. My memories of this place are forever linked with the fragrance of orange blossoms, and I smell them on the wind now.<br /><br />God brings us so much on the wind. Sometimes the Spirit moves over this land in a hot restless wind called the Santa Ana (Here in Santa Paula, we call it "the East Wind", because that's where it comes from, dragging the hot gritty feel of the desert with it.) But this morning there is very little wind - it is cool and the view of the mountains is shrouded in a haze of mist and L.A.'s smog traveling up various valleys to affect us as well.<br /><br />My sister, my oldest brother, and I are gathering the last items from my parents' sixty years together (along with items stretching back through my mother's 90 years). There will be a yard sale tomorrow, and people will come and suggest that these things have much less value than we think they do.<br /><br />I was reading the Confession of Sin [in the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, or BCP] during morning prayer and realized for the first time a very old truth; something my faith has tried to get me to believe for fifty-two years: that God, like parents, lets us start over continuously. At least I hope you have or had parents like that. And if you don't or didn't - - try to know that you do have this truth in God.<br /><br />Listen:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br />"We are truly sorry and we humbly repent.<br />For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,<br />have mercy on us and forgive us;<br />that we might delight in your will,<br />and walk in your ways..."<br />(BCP p. 79)<br /><div style="text-align: left;"><br />How many times have I said that prayer in my life, but thought more about my lapses than about God's power? If I believe in God's forgiveness, then I must believe that every day, every minute, is a fresh start. God constantly sets us free from ourselves, to delight in God's will.<br /><br />I am thinking about so many prayers today, while my sister sleeps and my brother has not yet arrived, and the work of the day is not yet upon us. I look at the outline of the mountains my father so loved, and recite the psalm from his funeral; his protective steadfastness surrounds me:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">"I lift up my eyes to the hills; from where is my help to come?<br />My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.<br />He will not let your foot be moved<br />and he who watched over you will not fall asleep." (Psalm 121:1-3)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">I look out at my mother's garden after spending the night beneath one of her quilts; her earthy creativity surrounds me:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;">"For you yourself created my inmost parts,<br />you knit me together in my mother's womb.<br />I will thank you because I am marvelously made;<br />your works are wonderful, and I know it well." (Psalm 139:12-13)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">I think of the physical imperfections and blemishes which mark each one of us as the special one we are. A dropped stitch, a different color thread; the garment becomes distinguishable from all the others.<br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;">The sun rises, the smoggy haze almost obscures the mountains, the work will soon start, and my back has anticipatory tiredness. We will sift through the grain of my parents' life, trying to let the chaff be taken off by the wind. Some of it will land in other hands; some of it will be gone. We will take some to our own homes, and tell stories about it until the next sifting and winnowing.<br /><br />The air is full of letting go. It's what the Spirit moves over, creating and groaning, forgiving and releasing. It's the wind that strips us down to who we really are. Little by little, the Spirit erodes us, sculpting our truest self. Just look at the increased definition of the oldest faces among us.<br /><br />The air is full of memories and letting go; they float upon it like balloons released from one's hand, full of color and glee and incredible lightness. Lift your face and feel the soft stories of ages of people. Know that some of the stories are your own.<br /><br /></div><br /><br /></div></div></div></div></div>peregrinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17577312374483533434noreply@blogger.com3